Have you ever been involved in a sales contest?
There’s certainly a lot of pressure involved.
If you thrive on pressure, you’ll feel as exhilirated as someone who just reached the top of Mt. Everest and planted his flag. The excitement will drive to work harder, talk up your offer more often to more people, and consider everyone from your mom to the grocery store cashier as a suitable prospect.
If you hate pressure, you’ll feel like you’re wearing an iron suit to work everyday. Every morning it will be a monumental task to get out of bed and face the day. The weight of the world might feel like a 700 pound barbell on your chest as you lay there and contemplate your day.
Wherever you fall on the scale, there is hope for you to do better. If you’re at the top already, that will thrill you. If you’re in the depths of despair, it might be the flicker of light that motivates you to give it one more try.
First, Take the Log Out of Your Eye
If you’re not as persuasive as you’d like to be, there are 3 splinters that could be in your eye. These splinters alone are blinding enough. Combined, they are downright deadly.
The first splinter we put in our eyes is we try to force others to do what we want.
Often if you’re in a leadership position, you feel the pressure to get things done. So it seems reasonable to use force to accomplish this. But when you do this, do you notice your team is deeply loyal or a collection of mercenaries?
The second splinter we put in our eyes is being obsessed with the need to win.
It feels good to see your name in the #1 spot. I felt that thrill when my book was number 1 on Amazon. It was enough to make my whole week. The temptation to brag was overwhelming. When you’re driven by that, you see everyone as needy. And you’ve got just the thing to satisfy that craving.
The third splinter we put in our eyes is being fiercly loyal to our cause.
This isn’t all bad. The world needs this kind of zeal to be changed for the better. But this splinter can be so pointed that it’s easy to get carried away. You’ll find yourself looking for ways to work your agenda into every conversation. And when you do that, people start looking for ways to excuse themselves when you enter a room.
The Tie That Binds
The glue that holds all these splinters to you is that you are looking at the world from your own perspective.
If you want to persuade others, you need a new point of view.
- You’ll make more sales more easily.
- You’ll get more cooperation without force.
- You’ll have a lot more friends.
A New Point of View
I remember the last time I got a new pair of glasses.
When I had been wearing the old ones for several years, I thought that the world looked normal with them on. When I got the new pair, I saw things I’d forgotten I could. It was like the feeling you might get if you’d been blind all your life and then suddenly, in an instant, you were able to see.
Here’s a new pair of glasses to see the world with:
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Dale Carnegie was on to something big when he said this. In fact, it’s the foundation of all your persuasive efforts.
Now let’s see what you can do to become a powerful influencer.
Here are 5 Ways You Can See Things From the Other Person’s Point of View
Now for some practical ways you can make connections that will make you more sales, get you more willing cooperation, and win you more friends.
1. Celebrate her dreams.
You know how you feel when you’re excited about something.
If you want to make a powerful connection with someone, lavish praise on her dream. When you do this, you in essence say to her, “You’re valuable. You will make a difference in the world. Your dream is important.”
How would you feel if someone treated you this way?
No doubt you’d have some great conversations. You’d feel a deep connection forming. And you’d look forward to every interaction you ever have with that person who made you feel this way. You wouldn’t feel like you were bragging as you went on and on about your big idea because your friend will be enjoying the ride right next to you.
2. Minimize her failures.
Hey, if you’re human, you’ll screw up sometime. As much as we long for a perfect world, it’s not gonna happen.
Besides, what is perfect to us really isn’t perfect.
We’re all messed up somehow. It’s okay because even the people who seem to have it all together have a pile of skeletons in their closets too. Knowing that to be true, be someone who gives hope in the face of failure.
Here’s how you can do that.
Let her know that a bad situation isn’t the end of the world. There is light in all darkness. Sometimes you have to allow time for your eyes to adjust to see it; but if you try, you will.
Tell her that her failures don’t have to define who she is as a person. If what she’s doing doesn’t work, there’s still time to do something else. She isn’t a total misfit; perhaps she’s just misplaced.
Remind her that the greatest successes in the world didn’t have instant mindblowing fortune on their first attempts.
These things should provide a glimmer of hope no matter what her circumstances are. But be careful. Be sensitive to how she’s feeling now. Sometimes just listening will make things brighter.
3. Comfort her in her fears.
Fear is a powerful thing. It can lock the door of opportunity when what lies behind it would take us to the top of the world.
If you’ve ever been to an amusement park and considered a new ride, you might ask your friends how it went after they rode it. Based on what they say, you either strengthen your fears or put them to rest.
Often it’s the assurance of a trusted friend that moves you forward. If you can do this for people, you’ll win their trust.
4. Agree with her hunches.
Have you ever just had a feeling about the way things are?
This is what drives the popularity of talk radio. The hosts confirm the suspicions of their listeners. With every word, they prove time and again that what you thought was right all along.
Sure, this is controversial. And if you want to be true to yourself, be careful what you agree with. But remember this. We’re not that different. We all have opinions. And that is the driving force behind everything we do.
If you can learn what drives someone’s behavior, you can influence them by seeing the world from her point of view.
5. Attack what bugs her.
Talk show hosts do this with flair, too.
Liberals attack conservatives.
Conservatives attack liberals.
When you hear something that supports your point of view, you feel good to be part of the in-crowd. This is also known as the us vs. them mentality..
Now you might not care that much about politics, sports, or entertainment. But there are things in your world that bug the snot out of you. There are people who just get under your skin every time they’re around. When someone comes along and takes your side against them, you will be loyal to them through the worst of circumstances.
If you can solve someone’s problem by transferring the blame to her nemesis, you’ll win a friend. But don’t stop there. Show how your solution remedies the pesky situation for good.
Learn by Doing This
You might be saying, “Well, Frank. This is great stuff, really. But how do I find out all this stuff about other people without taking a private eye course?”
Here are 3 simple things you already know how to do.
Pay attention to what others say and how they say it. What emotions is she expressing? What emphasis do you hear? What topics does she focus on?
If you’re on her turf, what do you see on the walls? What pictures, if any, are on her desk? Is it cluttered or clean? Are there windows or is the outside world closed off?
Open ended questions are best. These allow you to go deeper than “yes” or “no” questions ever will. Just try to follow the natural flow of a conversation. Don’t dig so deep that the other person sees you as a hostile interrrogater.
Armed and Ready
Now you know why you should see the world from the other person’s point of view.
You’ve learned how your own self-interest can blind you to your best efforts to influence someone.
And you’ve received some concrete, practical methods to influence more people more often.
Start using these today. You’ll make more sales. You’ll get more willing cooperation. And the people you influence will be happy to be your friends!
How have your attempts to influence others been hindered by your own self-interests? How can you use what you learned today to be a more powerful persuader?