I recently started going to a new church. The first week I was there, a man came up to me and started talking.
He smiled broadly, introduced himself, and shook my hand.
Then he began asking me questions.
After twenty minutes my family started tugging at my sleeve, asking me if I was ready to go.
Had it not been for intervening things like wanting to eat lunch, needing sleep, and having to go to work, we might still be talking!
What are the roadblocks that keep someone from talking for long?
1. You have an “I” problem.
Dale Carnegie said that the telephone company did a survey to see what people said the most on the phone. You know what they found? People said “I” again, and again, and again.
Lest you think I am immune, my Dale Carnegie instructor once told me a cover letter I wrote was littered with “I”’s.
Recently I’ve been reading about copywriting. The one thing I see again and again is that the number one reason web copy fails is because it isn’t written with the reader in mind.
2. You don’t realize that no one cares.
When you share a victory, your friends get excited.
Well, at least for a while they do.
But if you relive the glory for weeks on end, you’ll be a bore.
3. You don’t have empathy.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
It means you can see the world from her point of view. You don’t have to agree. You just have to understand.
So don’t judge. Just listen.
So how can I get someone to talk for hours?
Here’s a quick way that always works.
When you talk in terms of the other person’s interests, you’ve discovered aquick way to get someone to talk for hours!
Why is letting others talk about themselves so effective?
First, it’s because you take the focus off yourself.
Does this mean you don’t benefit at all?
Of course not!
You’ll make a new friend.
You’ll be able to remember a lot more about her because you’ve gone below the surface.
You’ll help her feel great because you’ve let her know you’re sincerely interested in her.
Second, it’s effective because people love to talk about themselves.
Admit it. You do, too.
It feels great to share a victory and hear the applause. It’s heartwarming to talk with someone who is genuinely excited to be with you. It’s uplifting to be able to go on and on about yourself with a supportive audience.
If you’ll do that for someone else, you’ll give her the greatest gift she could ever hope for – knowing she’s valued, wanted, and needed.
Third, you should do this because you might learn something valuable.
We all need each other.
Have you been through pain? There are 7 people in every group of 10 who are, too.
Is your life great right now? Share the joy with someone else and build her up.
Will you let someone else share their experiences with you? Keep an open mind and your life could improve in ways you never imagined.
Do This Now
Now you’ve got a quick way to get people talking.
You’ve know the roadblocks, so now you can overcome them.
And you’ve got at least three reasons why it’s a good thing to do.
Now go and give yourself away to make someone feel as special as they really are!