How to Win Someone to Your Side Even When He’s Angry

The hardest person you’ll ever deal with is someone who’s angry. 

Imagine how you feel when you’re hopping mad. You feel a fire within that rages on and on. Anything anyone says turns into gasoline they throw on your fire. 
Your Angry Mindset
When you’re really mad, you don’t listen to what other people say. 
Because you feel deep down that you’re absolutely right and the other person is absolutely wrong. 
Maybe something you wanted to happen today didn’t. That sets in motion an emotional state where even the most trivial things will ruffle your feathers the wrong way. Even the most apologetic individuals will sound like fingernails dragging down a chalkboard. 
Next, when you’re really mad, you want people to see things your way. 

Let’s face it. Even when you’re not mad, you’d be happier if others saw your point of view, wouldn’t you? It’s the easiest way to make a good day great that has ever dawned in the mind of man. 
Finally, when you’re really mad, you’ll say things you regret later. 

When you cast restraint aside, anything is possible. 
If you’ve ever been drunk, you’ll find out who your friends are. Before there was social media, you’d hear about how you put your underwear on your head at a party from friends of friends. It may not make the paper, but it can still make your life a temporary living hell. 
Now that there’s Facebook, the infamy of your foolishness can live on forever. 
How to Handle Someone Who’s Angry
The secret here is that you handle an angry person the way you’d handle any person no matter what their mood. 
If you want to persuade more people more often, you need to do this. 
When you get broadsided by someone who’s angrier than a wet cat, you need this as your primary response tactic. 
If you’d like to make connections with anyone, anywhere, any time more easily and more often, this is the secret. 
Here it is:
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. 

How to Practice Sympathy Without Losing Your Mind
Maybe you’ve heard someone draw the line between sympathy and empathy. 
Zig Ziglar says that sympathy is feeling the feelings the other person is experiencing. He says empathy is understanding the other person’s feelings. 
Here’s how the difference plays out in the real world. 
When you sympathize, you end up doing the same things the other person does. When you empathize, you distance yourself enough to make choices that will move him ahead. 
Let’s take a look at some things you can do when you meet someone who’s angry. 
1. If you’re wrong, admit it. 
This will lengthen his fuse quicker than anything else you can try. Why? He already believes you’re at fault, even if you’re not. If you’re wrong, admitting it will show you agree. 
But what if he doesn’t believe you’re at fault? 
It could be that he’s had a bad day. Maybe he had an agenda he wanted to accomplish and absolutely nothing has gone right. In this case, you’re just a target for his venom. You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. 
Agree with him that you’ve offended him if he feels that way. Apologize for the slight and then do this…
2. Let him know he’s right to feel the way he does. 
We all have this inner desire to know we’re right. 
The feeling that we’re right about most things drives us to leave the house for work in the morning. It motivates us to do the work we do, say the things we say, and choose the leisure time activities we do. 
And it’s what fuels our need to feel important. When others acknowledge that we’re right, we’re good at what we do, and that we make a difference, the feeling will carry us through the darkest days.
3. Offer to make restitution that goes beyond what he expects. 
This starts with an apology that acknowledges that he was right to be offended. 
If you do this profusely enough, he might feel bad for you. That isn’t necessarily negative. It will lower his defenses enough to accept whatever you suggest.  
This technique will make an impact because it will be so different from what offended people do. You may want to lash out, but rather than draw your sword you offer an olive branch. 
Isn’t this what friends do? 
If you will, you won’t pour cement on offenses, turning them into lifetime grudges. You can make amends, work through your differences, and go on with life without that added stress. 
Ideally Though…
If possible, wait a day or two to respond to harsh criticism. Write out the letter you want to send, put it in a drawer, then read it after you’ve had a chance to cool off. 
I’ll bet you a million dollars your response will be a lot different. 
Now Do This
But if you find yourself face to face with an angry person, use the 3 keys:
1. Admit when you’re wrong.
2. Let him know he’s right to feel the way he does.
3. Offer to make a restitution beyond what he expects. 
If you do that, you’ll have and keep more friends. Your relationships will be better and stronger. You’ll make more sales and gain more cooperation for your cause. 
Then you’ll have a secret weapon that will withstand the hottest angry assault. 
Posted in How To Win Friends, Influence, persuasion, Uncategorized.

I’m a Writing Coach, a Promotion Strategist, and an Entrepreneur. I help writers engage readers, sell their ideas, and build their tribes. I design non-sleazy promotion plans for artists, writers, and other creatives. When I’m not writing, I love coffee and conversation.